The man wanted to live his life. Good girl complex
According to WHO statistics, every year in the world 55 million die... The reasons for their death can be very different: heart attack, stroke, cancer, chronic diseases, infections, accidents, etc. At the same time, no one knows exactly how many people died from the so-called psychological death, the existence of which no psychotherapist will deny the existence of today.
Psychological death requires a more attentive attitude to the patient, since it is very difficult to understand the reasons why an outwardly healthy person lost interest in life and began to consider: "I do not live, but I exist!" There are a lot of people subject to such thoughts these days, and each has its own reason for the psychological destruction of oneself.
Signs psychological death everyone knows - this is a loss of interest in life, goals in it, the appearance of despondency and boredom. A person subject to the processes of psychological destruction decides for himself that he has already done everything and that he no longer needs to strive for anything, and his further life will already consist only of monotonous and boring days. Lack of motivation, desire to live, strength and joy to perform various tasks lead to the fact that a person begins to slowly fade away.
The life of such human can be described by a simple chain - woke up, ate, went to the store, returned to an empty apartment, watched TV or sat at the computer, went to bed. And so from day to day ... He knows in advance that the next day, weekends and holidays he will pass the same way as all other days - without emotions, vivid impressions and joyful feelings. Therefore, he no longer expects anything good from life.
Relatives, friends and acquaintances rarely communicate with him, confident that is he Ok... After all, many live worse, and he has his own apartment or house, he does not complain about his health and lack of money. And he is a difficult interlocutor, so relatives and friends have long turned away from him, do not call him and do not invite him to visit. Do you think this attitude upsets him?
Neither droplets, he no longer needs anyone. A person who is tuned in to self-destruction is distinguished by indifference. He really doesn’t care what is happening around him, how his family and friends live, why they forgot about him and don’t call him. Psychological death turns a person off from life: if he is asked for something, he does, he does not ask, he does not do, he may or may not call. He cannot force himself to do something useful; it is an ordeal for him to leave the house and go to the grocery store, cook dinner for himself or clean up the house. Everything seems to him useless and boring, he no longer needs anything.
On for several years Leading a reclusive lifestyle, a person gets used to walking with empty zombie eyes and for him it becomes the norm "not to live, but to exist." The further he plunges into psychological death, the more terrible its consequences can be - from physical illness to suicide ... He lives by inertia, doing nothing, as it turns out.
And everything would be fine if he did not worry about meaninglessness of your life... Permanent memories of past life and the present worthlessness deprives people subject to the processes of psychological death, rest, sleep and health, which accelerates their physical death. To prevent this, you need to forcibly pull yourself out of this state and come up with a new goal that will leave no room for thoughts like: "I do not live, but I exist!"
The above schematically presents the reasons for the development
Get yourself out of " swamps"created for oneself, it is quite possible - there would be only desire. Nobody and nothing can change our life until we ourselves want it. Do not waste precious days of life on self-flagellation, despondency and self-criticism. There is nothing more precious than life in the world! It would be foolish to leave it, leaving bad memories of yourself in children and loved ones. To solve a problem, you first need to admit it. That is, if you do not admit that your life has no meaning, then you will think that you have no problems. You are not. Every person knows something at least a little. Even if it seems to you that you have already done everything you could in this life and you do not need anything, try to start living, not existing.
To do this, try to find the line where people live and do not exist... Imagine how you would like to live today and begin to slowly strive towards this goal. Raise your bar and compare yourself to those who are older and weaker than you, but who find ways to live happily. Take an example from them and start acting. For example, the famous actress Svetlana Svetlichnaya in the program "Alone with everyone" to the host's question: "How many years have you not seen your grandchildren?" she answered with a smile: "For a long time, but I think they will grow up and understand that grandmother loves them very much and will come to visit me themselves."
Despite its venerable age (77 years) and a lonely life, Svetlichnaya still has a subtle sense of humor and self-irony, has not lost her charm and loves life. She does not impose herself on those who do not need her, knows how to live truly and appreciates every day, does not seek excuses for herself, but lives with what is given to her, adjusting to the blows of fate, overcoming them and getting more for her efforts, than many young people of working age.
Expecting gratitude from relatives and friends, demanding help and attention from them is wrong a way to maintain friendly relations with them... In the event that your children and grandchildren stopped visiting you, just know that they are people too, and just like everyone is wrong, which means that they deserve forgiveness. Each person decides for himself how to build relationships with people close to him. Do not present your demands to them, do not carry a "suitcase of claims" with you. Live your life, and then come what may ...
It takes every day to live, not exist work on yourself... Both over your appearance and with your inner world. Otherwise, on your deathbed you will have to regret that you have not tried something that could allow you to live and not exist. Unfortunately, a person begins to appreciate everything that he has only when he loses it. So it is with life, before death, people regret that they did not value every day, despite all life's difficulties.
For a long time, she considered her hypersensitivity a curse. Well, how else? In the 3rd or 4th grade, they even let me go home from the lesson, because while reading aloud an excerpt from "Mumu", just the moment where Gerasim drowns the dog, I had a hysteria, I burst into tears, and so that she scared the teacher and her classmates.
Now guess who left the theaters roaring after watching Indian movies? Who felt how the father's tractor suffered when we left the village forever? Have you heard how cut down or broken trees cry? Who rushes to protect the cat, not paying attention to the instinct of self-preservation? Who cries for the company, and sometimes instead of another person?
My parents thought that it would pass over time, that I would outgrow, grow up, life would temper me and the suffering of film and book heroes would no longer be perceived so sharply.
This is partly what happened, life has tempered, but I still cry over such films as "Hachiko", and I empathize with book or cartoon characters, I even have my own list: "what should not be watched", because after such views, several days I come to my senses.
"How are you getting on with this?" - asked the question of the trainer teaching us numerology, seeing my numbers, which are responsible for the ability to feel the world. Then I realized for the first time that heightened sensitivity is my feature and you can learn to manage it, and for this you need to understand your weaknesses and strengths, and then from a disadvantage, it will turn into dignity.
Pity and sympathy.
The empath often confuses them and this is his biggest problem. For myself, I have determined that pity comes from the ego (from pride) - these are low vibrations; sympathy - from the heart - high vibrations. Let's see what is actually hidden behind these concepts?
A pity.
Taking pity on the person, we thereby put ourselves in a position higher, as if we say to another: "I am better than you, compared to me you are insignificant" (deliberately exaggerating). Therefore, when the one whom you pity becomes better than you, envy comes. Help rendered out of pity brings destruction to one and the other side. The worst thing is when families based on pity are created. It is in such families that one can most often hear: "You broke my life." Even if the accusation is not always pronounced aloud, it is in the air and poisons the life of everyone who gets into this field, children in the first place. The one who once regretted, imperceptibly for himself, eventually turns into a victim and behaves accordingly. Being a victim is very beneficial, there is always someone to blame for your failures.
Sympathy.
Compassionately, we broadcast: "I understand and share your pain." We feel the other person, and we share not only his grief, but also his joy. Compassionate, empathizing, we take some of the pain on ourselves, thereby making the life of another easier, we share our energy with him, provide support. When the one with whom we shared our energy copes, we together with him feel his joy.
Empaths come to this world to bring empathy. They have been given a great gift, and you need to learn to use the gift, so as not to harm yourself or people. The empath is more capable of feeling guilt with or without reason. Do I need to talk about how this destructive feeling can affect a person's life?
So, what you need to do first:
1. Learn to separate concepts: pity and sympathy. I wrote above how to separate one from the other. Being honest with yourself is for your own good.
2. Separate your experiences from others. Your experiences are explicable, for this you just need to find a source. Return mentally to the time from which the mood has worsened and work through the situation. If the mood has deteriorated for no apparent reason, then, most likely, something else was picked up. In either case, it will take some effort and awareness to return to a good mood again (here the main thing is to avoid the temptation to be unhappy). If you can't cope quickly, then try to do what is described below, in step 4.
The first example: a person complains about how bad he is, the world is unfair, people are not grateful, prices are going up, the opposite sex is sheer freaks ... etc., all attempts to arouse positive emotions in him, fail, and now the world around him dims, begins to rise irritation .... There is only one advice: to run, dropping your slippers, or openly declare that you do not want to talk about these topics. Such a person does not need help, he only needs your energy. He just wants to use you as a dumpster. Sometimes such people begin to say how bad everything is with them (I am so unhappy) and how wonderful everything is with you, compared to him (how much you have achieved), and imperceptibly, you seem to begin to make excuses that everything is not so great with you I am glad that the problems are even cleaner than his ... and now instead of concentrating on positive changes in life, on your achievements and merits, you concentrate on what seems to be shortcomings, failures and disappointment. At this moment, you become a leaky bucket from which energy flows, which is what vampires use.
Second example: a person begins to talk about his problem. You feel how bad he is now, it can even be physical sensations, especially if it is someone close, sometimes I even notice how, during such communication, I begin to envelop him with my energy, I feel soft warm waves emanating from me. Usually, after such communication, people say that it became easier for them and they begin to think more positively. And here it is very important to stop on time.
Simple techniques help me not to completely merge: during communication, light a candle, concentrate on my breathing. And be sure to take a shower or a bath after the dialogue. But it is not always possible to stop on time and then I give too much energy, so much so that I start to feel de-energized and in this case it is necessary ...
4. Be able to recover and be in a state of fulfillment.
Before starting the recovery, you need to cleanse yourself. You can do this with water (shower, bath, at least a salt foot bath); feel like fire, or at least light candles. And sometimes it seems like bubbles filled with smoke fly out of the body (when this happens, I ask the Higher powers to turn them into light and love). It is advisable to drink plenty of water or herbal teas during cleansing. When you are recovering, it is best to exclude active communication for a while. But the best recovery for me is sleep. The more I spend energy, the more I sleep. Previously, I considered this a manifestation of laziness and scolded myself, trying to limit the time of sleep (others sleep a little and have time to do so much), but now I learned to listen to my body.
Maintaining a state of fullness, as well as recovering, helps a lot: communication with nature, physical activity (if they bring pleasure), creativity both of your own (handicraft, working with cards, writing) and other people (books, films, music .. .). And, of course, communication with interesting and positive people.
Being a strong empath is not easy, but when you feel grateful or see positive changes in the lives of those you have supported with your energy, the meaning of life becomes obvious. This allows you to feel like a part of the Universe in which everything is perfect, interconnected and in its place.
To start enjoying your life, you first need to understand what is hindering this. One of the reasons is the lack of dreams. Second, you are living someone else's life. To be more precise, your whole life is adjusted to the expectations of other people.
There will be no rest in your soul as long as someone tells you how to live. Napoleon Hill
Ever since childhood, we are taught that only when we meet the expectations of other people (parents), we are loved and we are good in their eyes. Washed the dishes - good boy. Did the homework - clever, watch the cartoon.
As we grow up, incentives change, but behavior does not. Very often our whole life is a collection of other people's expectations.
We went to college to become an engineer - because our parents wanted it so (and nothing that you most loved to draw is not a profession). We went to work at the plant - after all, this was what the parents dreamed about. You cannot refuse friends to meet with them - after all, you will immediately fall into the category of "bad" friends (and nothing that this meeting will be to the detriment of the family).
And there are a lot of such examples. We are not urging you to completely ignore the interests of others. But we want you to understand that this is YOUR life. And you must live it the way you want, and not how others expect.
How to start living YOUR life
By the way, it is very easy to understand that you are living according to the expectations of others: your life does not bring joy, and you do a lot of things that you do not want to do at all.
Analyze at least the last week and think about what you did for yourself, and what only because others expected it from you. This will first step to change your life - to understand how much you live someone else's life.
Second step - paint the perfect picture of your life. Write down what you expect from yourself: what actions, actions, results.
Remember: you should only live up to your expectations!
Of course, when they are not there, others will certainly impose them on you. Therefore, it is better to make a list of your expectations.
And when you start living up to your expectations, then you will be content with your life.
And the most ideal option is when your expectations and those of the people around you coincide. Then the wings just grow.
By the way, if the expectations of your environment do not coincide with yours at all, then it is best to change this environment or reduce communication to a minimum (excluding parents, but they will definitely change their attitude if they see you happy).
Why meet the expectations of unsuccessful people who want to see you in their world of "home-work-home (TV + sleep)"?
You see yourself healthy and happy in the future. So live up to YOUR expectations and live YOUR life!
Since childhood, we are constantly under the influence of someone. First, these are parents, teachers, then the boss, husband, colleagues, the media, etc. It seems that we are losing ourselves in this world, and there is a desire to understand how to learn to live not for others, but for ourselves, to enjoy freedom and harmony with the world.
Why is it so hard to learn to live your life
If you have experienced the feeling of a wasted life passing by, thinking about the meaning of your existence, then the first step in the right direction has already been taken. But in order to learn to live differently, you need to understand what are the reasons for your dissatisfaction, what prevents you from enjoying life. There are a number of common reasons for many.
How to learn to live without getting bogged down in your daily routine?
- Dependence on others, the need to follow the rules established by someone that limit your freedom.
- The feeling of responsibility for your work, family, children, and often for your husband, order in the house, etc. This feeling, brought up in childhood, at some point becomes a heavy burden that presses on the shoulders, interferes with breathing.
- The constant workload of everyday affairs and everyday problems does not leave time for interesting meetings, exciting things, just a break from everyone.
- Lack of a goal in life, that dream to which one would like to run, which would carry away and fill life with meaning.
- Envy of more successful, wealthy, free people. It poisons existence, causes a feeling of resentment when someone is happier than you.
Being aware of your individuality will allow you to free yourself from those chains that you have entangled yourself with.
How to learn to live your life
Each person is a unique individuality, a bright personality with his own abilities and talents, this applies to absolutely everyone - and those who are dissatisfied with their lives, including.
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We all want to live the life of our dreams, full of freedom and pleasure. However, at some point, a person agrees to a logical and realistic existence, which parents, others and the media talk about. He begins to follow other people's attitudes, fulfilling the average life scenario, and not building his own, unique and interesting. It's never too late to change the course of events, the main thing is to want change.
We are in websitecollected warning signs that you are not living your life, and recommendations for how to change it right now.
1. You want to criticize other people
Are you annoyed by your former classmate who decided to change her profession and has already achieved great success without a specialized education? Or a friend who suddenly became a blogger and now travels constantly and is recognized on the streets?
Such irritation often hides envy, and envy is born from the feeling of one's own unfulfillment and confusion.This does not necessarily mean that you yourself want to become a blogger or freelancer. There is a general irritation that other people have found their way in life, achieved success, and enjoy life. And for some reason you don't.
2. You are bored
Are you bored at work, bored with your friends, bored even on vacation? Feeling bored is a sure sign that you may not be reaching your full potential.You just haven't defined your interests and haven't chosen your true path in life. And the interests of the people around you do not suit you, because of this you are bored with them.
3. The enthusiasm of those around you annoys or makes you sad
At a job you don't like, sooner or later, your colleagues and boss will start to enrage you, you won't want to work in a team or complete tasks, and uninteresting friends will start to cause aggression. After all, apathy and lack of interest in others are followed by anger, suffering, excitement and melancholy due to the impossibility of implementing what was conceived or desired in life.
4. You feel like things are going wrong
There are times when everything you tackle fails, expectations are not met and desires do not come true. However, if this period has dragged on, you need to think. Someone will call it a black stripe, but in reality this is a sign that it's time to change your life.
When a person begins to do what he sincerely loves, creates a life that brings him pleasure, everything goes easier. The right people appear, plans are being implemented.
5. You prefer to walk the convoluted path to success.
If, if you want to change your profession or move to another country, you already in your thoughts begin to design a multi-stage and difficult path leading to the achievement of the goal, this is a sure sign that you are not living your life.
We believe that if you work hard you can quickly achieve success. But if you don't do exactly what you really love, it will be difficult to achieve your goals. If you work hard to please others and not yourself, you are not living your life.
If your work lacks creativity and enthusiasm, the results will always disappoint you. Focus on the work that brings you pleasure, then you have every chance of being happy and successful.
7. It seems to you that life is passing by
If you leave work with a feeling of relief and freedom that has come, you are waiting for an early return home from guests and love to be alone, it’s time to change something. If there is a feeling that real life takes place where you are not, and you want to avoid acquaintances and friends, then you do not find any sense in what you are doing. It is necessary to listen to the feeling of discomfort and draw the right conclusions.
8. You don't want to risk it again
When you live your life by other people's rules, you try to stick to safe options. Perhaps people have said that your dreams are difficult or impossible. But they also have their own interests and attitudes, and only you know what can really make you happy.
If you always prefer a safe option when choosing an education, profession, travel, and those around you, it can help avoid pain, disappointment and embarrassment, but you will never achieve true happiness and success. In the reality you will not be able to realize yourself as a person and achieve true success without a share of risk.
9. Status and money are your main criteria for success
Money is essential to life, and praise from colleagues and loved ones is important for self-esteem. However, for people who have chosen someone else's life scenario, formal achievements become the main
Finding out that you are not living your life can be uncomfortable and scary. But it's never too late to find yourself and get back on track. You shouldn't waste your precious time on a boring and uninteresting life.
- Be honest with yourself.Ask yourself this question: what can really turn you on and make you happy? What would you be doing right now if you weren't worried about money? Perhaps a frank answer will surprise you and turn life in the right direction.
- Our lives are often chock-full of unnecessary and energy-consuming activities and communication. So it makes sense to try gradually exclude the most unpleasant and consuming factors from your life... Stop communicating with an unpleasant acquaintance or find strength and no longer take extra work home.
- Try asking yourself what you want at the moment.For example, what do you really want to eat for dinner or what to do on a weekend. Do you really want to go to the birthday you're invited to, or are you doing it out of courtesy?
- Understand family attitudes. Ask yourself: Am I pursuing a career in this field because I want it or is it my mom wanted? You should not leave decisions about your life in the hands of your family or loved ones.
